Words

As I waited to speak to my brother’s specialists this past week, there are 4 of them now, I jetted back in time to a vivid memory long ago. That happens often when I notice a familiar smell, sound or situational experience. I thought about my Dad who spent so much time in hospitals and treatment centers while I was growing up. The doctor’s wouldn’t say too much in front of the children but would speak in a low tone to my Mom and she would always cry.

We learned alcoholism is a family disease. The alcoholic addiction of one family member effects all of the family members for the rest of their lives! For this reason, Mom informed my brothers and I that we would be attending Alateen. This is a program designed for the younger relatives of alcoholics. I was an angry teenager at this point and I was not going to talk about my Dad’s problem. I was already harboring so much shame, I certainly wasn’t going to share anything with complete strangers. The trips to Alateen only lasted a few times because Dad said there was no problem.

When Dad would drink, it seemed like he was an entirely different person. He would stay up and drink all night long. If he became angry during the night, he would come into the bedroom, flip on the lights, yell, throw things around until they broke and slap or hit some sense (as he said it) into whoever his victim was for that night.

There were those days though, the few and far between when Dad was not drinking. He would sleep at night and be awake during the day. He was the kindest, most fun Dad ever! These were the days that gave me hope that he could be the Dad I had always wanted and so badly needed.

As the years passed by, the fun Dad appeared less and less. Mom was so busy focusing on angry, scary Dad and making certain she was careful to do things exactly the way he wanted, there was no time to spend with us. We often heard the words “We wish we wouldn’t have had any of you kids”.

Words are very powerful tools that carry longevity with them. Words can build and words can destroy. Unfortunately, as children, we heard some very negative and painful things growing up. It took me some time to change my mind about my life and to stop replaying what I had heard so often in my childhood. Ultimately, I decided I didn’t want the past to define my present or my future.

My brother did not take the same path I found. The words spoken to him during our childhood continue to replay in his mind. He was not able to break free from the vicious evil of alcoholism. It does effect the entire family for the rest of their lives.

Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is;
Not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
So, that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely
happy with You forever in the next.
AMEN

Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.