Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions . . . I think I have set resolutions every year for as long as I can remember. Last night, as I struggled to stay awake until midnight, I contemplated the purpose of a resolution. Why do we set them every year and why don’t we follow through with them? I came up with an answer – because it’s hard. Many times a resolution is something that requires us to make a life altering change that we are determined to do all by ourselves without any help. Some good examples I remember are joining a gym and going EVERY single day in an effort to get in shape and lose those unwanted pounds or finally getting my finances in order by creating a “super budget”. I even wrote these resolutions down on paper to make them “stick”. Now I realize I was missing a vital piece which was the actual plan to reach my goal along with a support system to help me achieve the goal. I need someone to hold me accountable and to cheer me on when I started to fall away from the goal.

As I write this today, my brother is hospitalized with stage 4 liver disease and alcoholic hepatitis. He is yellow. The doctor’s say his liver is permanently damaged which causes the other organs in his body to believe they are sick too. His kidneys are also damaged. Yesterday, they drained 6 liters of fluid from his abdomen. The next 24 to 48 hours will determine how long he has left to live and his quality of life. He is 49 years old. He began drinking at the young age of 13. His first drink was with my Dad. My Dad’s first drink was when he was 13 with his Dad. My brother has 2 children and has missed the majority of their lives due to alcoholism and a prescription drug addiction. My Dad had 3 children and missed most of our lives due to alcoholism and drug addiction. My Dad’s father had 2 children and missed most of their lives due to alcoholism. Alcohol and drugs do not care about the lives they destroy. Their goal is to attach themselves to as many people as possible and take control. The addict doesn’t see what is happening, they don’t see the pain or experience the loss because they are being controlled. Their entire focus is on that next drink or their next fix. That is the power of these substances.

I remember my brother telling me he was going to stop drinking many years ago. He didn’t need any help because he didn’t drink that much and he could stop at any time. He just had to want to do it. He really didn’t have a “problem”. It was going to be his next New Year’s Resolution. He never got help and now we are waiting to see what this next 24 to 48 hours will bring.

When I think back to my Dad, I remember vividly, he was yellow and he was very sick. He believed he didn’t have a problem with drinking or drugs either. He did go to treatment at least 18 times, after that I lost count. On many occasions, he would be released from a treatment program to come home drunk after celebrating his successful release from the program. This is when his month long benders would begin and the cycle would start over. He never followed through with a support system after treatment to keep him accountable.

My Dad died at the age of 52 from a brain aneurysm caused by his alcoholism. He had 1/4 of a liver left, stomach cancer and countless additional health problems related to drinking. Two days before his death, he had driven from Park River, ND to St. Cloud, MN to admit himself to the VA hospital for some testing and then another round of alcohol treatment. He was found by housekeeping staff in a motel room, unconscious, half-way in the shower and half-way out of the shower with the water running in the shower. The shower curtain was torn down and wrapped around him, just like you would see in a horror movie. The hotel staff called emergency medical personnel who examined him and thought he was dead. The coroner arrived to pronounce him dead. He was placed in a body bag by the coroner when someone noticed the body bag was moving due to his shallow breathing. He was rushed to the hospital in St. Cloud where they determined he had extreme pressure on his brain due to an aneurysm. He had surgery to release the pressure on his brain. The doctors were hoping he would gain brain activity. He never did. He died the next day.

Breaking free from the grip of alcohol and drug addiction is hard. Taking that first step by admitting there is a problem, seeking help and obtaining a support system is vital to survival. Once this is achieved, it’s as though alcohol and drugs act like a jealous ex pursuing relentlessly with empty promises and lies.

God is the only one who knows what lies ahead for my brother. I pray for a miracle. I pray his body is healed and I pray he can be clean and sober. I know this is a choice he has to want for himself. If he could only see how many lives his one life has touched and the plans God has in store for him. I pray he gets a second chance to become the man God created him to be.

Romans 7:15
For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled and bewildered by them]. I do not practice what I want to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate [and yielding to my human nature, my worldliness – – my sinful capacity].